Dilemmas in life...where to do, where to go and what I want from my life?, often eats up our head. Sometimes we just avoid these questions in a fear that they may eat up whole life and sometimes, however, they may are worthy. Still wandering don't know whether am I taking my life? or just life taking me? Decision taken in past appears wrong. The decisions were wrong or I was wrong? Or it was something else? Whatever may the reason, I am still very much confused as I was. But I was never like this because earlier I never used to think I always used to do. I was so happy, life was going wonderful eg my school days, college days and initial years of Mumbai days. The problem started since I learn to think. Then some person came into my life, Mr Rao, he started compelling me to think and discuss these basic questions about life. Earlier I though It's stupid, sooner I realized its the toughest question of my life. Although, his motivational talks were went to increase my office work productivity, but a rebel was born within. Which started questioning the basics of my life. Whether earlier spent 22 years were of any use? Or it was just a homosapian's life who had just crossed his adolescent period.Nothing was unexpected, Studies in the same school where my forefather's had studied, followed the same path; becoming an Engineer like my father and it got boost from the contemporary trend in the city ie Go become an Engineer, somehow.
All my 4 years of engineering drained out when Mr Rao asked why did you do the engineering? Honestly I didn't have the answer and I still don't have the answer, however, I answered him something just to avoid further questions, but he never stopped. And his further questions took aways all my coolness in my life and the way I was going to carry out my life, guess what?, I was going to start preparation for MBA :-)Because when alone, I started these questions to myself. And somehow I got an answer, that I am not meant for MBA!
then later I realized neither I am meant for these IT industry business.
Months and years went, and somehow I realized I would be better off with some career which involves people around me ie I should go social somehow. Being an idle and coward I never tool firm steps to cater these needs of myself. I a way to finding myself, I had started the journey but didn't know the ways and what my goal is. Sometimes it looked fame, money and love.
Having started the journey and being a person with not much will power, I always got confused about my pleasure and passion, interest and inclination, ways and means. For past 3 years I have been shifting my goals, trying everything coming underway. In a search of changing my career I gave all exams from CAT, BANKs to defense SSB to IAS. Everywhere result was same, failure. Every time failed, I understood the mistakes learnt the lesson but forgot them on next few days.
And side ways, my love missions were going on! And again the result was the same, failure. I heard people making statements like I have got habit of learning, I can say that I have got habit of failing but not of failing forward. Failing forward is a concept where a person learns critical points of one failure and make the learning as key to success. Because if you keep learning from mistakes of your owns, learning will never stop but you will never be success.
So, its my story of failure and I am continuing it till date. The common thing which I have found in all my actions are
1. I never stopped trying
2. I never gave my 100%.
On first look the second point may look my weakness, but its something which gives me energy to try again something, how? I always think what if "I had given my 100%". however, till now I have not been able to give my 100% to any of activities in my life from studies, exams, relationships and responsibilities.
Today with nothing in my hand, I accept all my faults and decisions which must have hurt others badly. And believe, someday somehow somewhere in some of my action, I will be able to give my 100% and from that day I success journey will start. But I still don't know when that time will start? May be today? tomorrow? After 10/20/50 years? or never. But my hope for my accomplishment will never fade away.
All my 4 years of engineering drained out when Mr Rao asked why did you do the engineering? Honestly I didn't have the answer and I still don't have the answer, however, I answered him something just to avoid further questions, but he never stopped. And his further questions took aways all my coolness in my life and the way I was going to carry out my life, guess what?, I was going to start preparation for MBA :-)Because when alone, I started these questions to myself. And somehow I got an answer, that I am not meant for MBA!
then later I realized neither I am meant for these IT industry business.
Months and years went, and somehow I realized I would be better off with some career which involves people around me ie I should go social somehow. Being an idle and coward I never tool firm steps to cater these needs of myself. I a way to finding myself, I had started the journey but didn't know the ways and what my goal is. Sometimes it looked fame, money and love.
Having started the journey and being a person with not much will power, I always got confused about my pleasure and passion, interest and inclination, ways and means. For past 3 years I have been shifting my goals, trying everything coming underway. In a search of changing my career I gave all exams from CAT, BANKs to defense SSB to IAS. Everywhere result was same, failure. Every time failed, I understood the mistakes learnt the lesson but forgot them on next few days.
And side ways, my love missions were going on! And again the result was the same, failure. I heard people making statements like I have got habit of learning, I can say that I have got habit of failing but not of failing forward. Failing forward is a concept where a person learns critical points of one failure and make the learning as key to success. Because if you keep learning from mistakes of your owns, learning will never stop but you will never be success.
So, its my story of failure and I am continuing it till date. The common thing which I have found in all my actions are
1. I never stopped trying
2. I never gave my 100%.
On first look the second point may look my weakness, but its something which gives me energy to try again something, how? I always think what if "I had given my 100%". however, till now I have not been able to give my 100% to any of activities in my life from studies, exams, relationships and responsibilities.
Today with nothing in my hand, I accept all my faults and decisions which must have hurt others badly. And believe, someday somehow somewhere in some of my action, I will be able to give my 100% and from that day I success journey will start. But I still don't know when that time will start? May be today? tomorrow? After 10/20/50 years? or never. But my hope for my accomplishment will never fade away.
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